I wish I could say it was on a dare, but it wasn't. It was my own twisted sense of humor. I first grew a beard in 1974 or 1975. It was kind of hard to tell at first, but eventually it looked like real facial hair, instead of Rizopus nigricans (a kind of black bread mold, the name of which my father taught me 'round about the time I started growing what passed for a moustache). In the 30 years or so since then, I have shaved my beard off but once, and this is the evidence. If you don't want to read the whole story, download the movie (820Kb), or if you've got a fast line, download the large format version (a whopping 108Mb). Music by Timbuk 3.
1. It was Hallowe'e'n, and my girlfriend had left for the day. Just before she
left, though, I set up a photograph of the two of us in the backyard, using a
self timer. She thought I was being sweet - really I was using her as a
stand-in so I could frame the shot properly. After she left, I snapped a
shot of myself with a full beard.
2. Then I trotted upstairs, took off my jacket, shirt, and tee-shirt, and
shaved the sides of my beard down a bit, got dressed again, and took another
picture. I tried to think the same thought, get the same smile, and be in
the same position - I didn't do too badly!
3. Back upstairs again, and this time I took the sides down to a respectable
length for a well groomed Amish man.
4. Now I look like a bad-ass biker (well, the pink tee-shirt sort of puts that
5. Hey look! It's Frank Zappa!
6. Frank Zappa after a shave!
7. Now I look like one of the characters from the Village People! A serious
handlebar moustache - I should have quit while I was ahead!
8. Now I look like my father did when he had just a moustache. A big wooly
caterpillar on my lip.
9. Well, I had to get the little Hitler moustache if I was going to complete
10. And tahh-daah! I have officially sold out!
11. Now this is an interesting concept. I am wearing a disguise (no beard) and
on top of it, I am wearing another disguise!
||12. This is later that night at my Hallowe'e'n party. My own mother didn't recognize me. Perhaps it was the goofy glasses...|